Outside Looking In

I have a neighbor who is in his mid-50s who is passionate about three things in his life - alcohol, cigarettes and his riding lawnmower. If you took any of those three things away from him, even for just 30 minutes, I'm pretty sure the EMTs would find him dead in his garage with a bullet in his head.
It seems we all have at least one annoying neighbor, much like we all have one annoying relative who we dread seeing during a holiday get together.
Surprisingly, this guy is polite, friendly and helpful .... from dawn to dusk.
But when dusk rolls around, this guy transforms into a different person who is unaware that anyone else lives nearby.
This man used to mow his lawn twice a summer when he had a push mower. Since he purchased a riding mower last year, even though the size of his lawn does not require it, he mows four times a week. But he never mows in the daytime. He waits until it starts to get dark out to mow his lawn. It's as though his lawnmower is a vampire and can only come out at night.
There are no headlights on his mower, so he just guesses where the unmowed portion of his lawn is. It's like watching a comedy of errors.
Usually half in the bag by nightfall, this guy drives his lawnmower around with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. I've never seen him actually take a cigarette out of his mouth with his two fingers after taking a drag. He just always keeps it in his mouth until it reaches the filter. Maybe his lawnmower runs on cigarette smoke since there is always an abundance of it available.
The next morning, the pattern on his lawn looks like a go cart track because no two rows are aligned. The mixture of darkness, alcohol and smoke in his eyes contributes to the patterns.
It's always exciting when you are trying to listen to something on television and the neighbor across the street is mowing his lawn at 9:30 p.m.
He never bothers to pick up any branches that have fallen on his lawn before he mows and inevitably, the neighbors get to hear at least one loud crunching noise that sounds like a tree being struck by lightning every time he mows.
My friends ask me why I don't ask this guy to mow in the daytime. What they don't understand, though, is this is free entertainment for me and the other neighbors. It gives us something to talk about, complain about, and laugh about in an otherwise quiet and somewhat boring neighborhood.
Not every neighborhood can boast having an intoxicated person who can form unique patterns in his lawn at night, all while smoking an entire pack of cigarettes.
I should be charging admission for this event so others can enjoy it, too.

Crazy Days
Don't forget to support your local businesses during Minneota Crazy Days this year. These businesses are there when we need them, so let's repay the favor.
Crazy Days officially is Friday, July 8, although Brad's Market began on Wednesday, July 6 with a three-day meat and produce sale.
There are a dozen businesses involved this year.
Ads detailing the specials and times for each of the local businesses involved ran in the last two issues of the Mascot. If you need a copy of the ad, papers are available at the Mascot office.